Personal

MONEY BACK-MY FAVORITE BUSINESS POLICY

 

“You are rich if and only if money you refuse tastes better than money you accept.”
-Nassim Nicholas Taleb

 

Disclaimer: Most of my clients are real sweethearts. I love my clients and put clients before family. The examples in this article belong to 1% minority who are out to insult me or the great art of astrology, or are simple jerks in real life.

I love haters…okay honestly, I don’t love them but I am thankful to them for so many things.

They have given me some of the best lessons in life. Like not giving things for free, not getting abused in the name of charity, and inspired my #1 favorite business policy: MONEY BACK GUARANTEE.

I remember my old days, when I used to do astrological consultations for FREE. Whenever you offer something for free, some people will take it by boatloads. I was flooded with “girlfriend” and “government job” questions. Thanks to the huge volume, I was not able to reply to hundreds of mails sent by lazy and horny freeloaders. Result: Trolling….!

Thanks to the trolls…I put in a filter “Astrology for charity”. I would ask people to donate to any charity of their choice and I would give them a reading. I met some really nice people, some of whom became great friends. However, again some people found ways to abuse it. They came up with old/fake receipts. Now as per them, I was under obligation to give them a reading. I refused to accept old/fake receipts. Result: Trolling…!

My breaking point came when one gentleman accused me of being a fraud…(I wasn’t even getting a penny for God’s sake. They had donated to a charity…what was I supposed to do? Give a refund?) Result: Intense Trolling…!

That was the point I was considering giving up. But then my Spirit Guide (God Bless Her) asked me to go pro, and I did. However, thanks to the troll who called me a fraud, I came up with my favorite business policy the MONEY BACK POLICY….!

For every client I would do a preliminary reading and tell them a few things about their nature and highlights of their life in first 5 minutes. If I don’t get it ~80% right, I would give an instant 100% refund along with my apologies.

(Sorry you can’t have a 40-minute reading and then ask for a refund.) Learned this from another gentleman that even this policy can be misused, so had to put a rider. Some people think that “Honest” and “Foolish” are the same thing, they aren’t.

Some sweet clients insisted that I keep the money it as I had put in my time and effort, an offer that I politely declined in all cases. Unearned money is a big NO for me.

This policy gave me lots of benefits. It brought me a lot of free publicity and good will. I soon became famous beyond my expectations. People showered blessings and praise on me for being so honest and upfront. Some even regretted that such an honest astrologer wasn’t able to read their chart (I have saved those mails and messages like medals).

Yes the love and praise are addictive. However, the biggest benefit is that it makes me JERK PROOF…AND I TAKE NO CRAP FORM ANYBODY…!

While most of my clients are real sweethearts, once in a while I come across some jerks who think that paying money gives them the right to insult anyone right from a poor waiter to an online astrologer. Well if they insult a waiter, Saturn will take care of them, as far as I am concerned, I have the shield of money back guarantee and I can always throw their money and smart-ass attitude back at them (trust me I am good at it-I have Sun + Mercury in 1st house).

Here’s a snippet of a conversation that I had recently:

Client: “Sir…you know what…you are not able to read it properly. Do a deep dive.” (in a sly arrogant tone)

Me: “Sir I told you 5 things and you agreed to four.”

Client: “Yeah that’s okay, but you know…I want to see if you can do….(some stupid stuff) I want to see how deep you can go.”

(Apparently he was one of those “I took a trip of an astrologer…ha-ha such frauds they are…ha-ha” kind of people who take pride in humiliating others.)

Me: “Sir I am an astrologer not a clairvoyant. I am giving you a refund and ending this discussion.” (If I were ok taking crap from strangers, I would have still been in my job, it paid well.)

Client: “No-no. I want to have a conversation with you.”

Me: “With all due respect Sir, I don’t charge people for having a conversation, I give astrological consultation. I am not interested in carrying on this discussion. Tell me your PAYTM number please.”

(I was wondering why this old man would pay to have a ‘conversation’… maybe he subscribed to services like “Chatpati Baatein” (naughty talks) and was used to paying for “conversations”. Plus so many references to “going deep”…)

A fumbling voice at the other end disrupted the chain of my nasty thoughts.

Client: My number is 9XXXX (I loved the stunned disbelief in his voice at the fact that someone was man enough to throw his money back at him).

Me: “I have just sent it back. Please confirm if you have received it.”

Client: “Yes, received. Thank you.”

A variation of this conversation has happened with some people once in two months. However, in all such cases, your truly has emerged with his dignity and spirit intact (my bank balance is dented a little though, but hey it is always totally worth the money.)

Every time such a thing happens, I thank the troll who taught me that value of throwing money back.

So dear reader, if someone tells you that I wasn’t able to read their chart, you may believe him. However, if someone tells you that I wasn’t able to read their chart correctly, but still took their money, they are lying….!

I can be accused of being a bad astrologer on some day, but I can never be accused of being a fraud…! After all I am “Honest” before “Astrologer”.

“You are rich if and only if money you refuse tastes better than money you accept.”
-Nassim Nicholas Taleb

Thanks to all my clients, I am a very rich man….!

God Bless,

G. Vijay Kumar

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